Am I People Pleaser? Why This Matters

People-pleasing is a common trait among adults, but have you ever asked yourself if this behavior is serving you in your relationships and professional life? Understandably, there can be a desire to receive approval from those around us; however, maintaining harmony with others often involves making compromises that can disrupt our own mental peace. In this blog post, we will take a look at what it means to be an extreme people pleaser, the potential consequences of managing conflict in such a manner, and suggest ways for recognizing and addressing these tendencies. Get ready to reassess how you think about self-sacrifice vs. assertiveness!

What is People Pleasing and Why It Matters

People pleasing is a behavioral tendency wherein an individual places the comfort and approval of others above their own. It is driven by a need to avoid belief as well as an intense fear of being deprived of social acceptance or love. Though it may appear to be advantageous in the short run, it can often have detrimental effects in the long run, resulting in loss of self-esteem and a compromised sense of autonomy. Furthermore, people pleasing sufferers are more vulnerable to feelings of low self-worth which can prompt unhealthy coping strategies such as substance abuse. Thus, recognizing and addressing this behavior becomes essential for one’s mental health and well-being.

What are the Factors That Cause Someone to be a People Pleaser?

People-pleasing is often a product of learned behavior that has been acquired over the years. Some potential causes include an unstable family, parental approval seeking, low self-esteem, or even peer pressure. It is important to note that these factors themselves are not necessarily indicative of people pleasing tendencies; instead, they can lead to such behaviors as a means of seeking validation or attention. Moreover, those who have experienced trauma may often utilize people pleasing to cope with their experiences in an effort to regain control over their lives.

What are the Signs that You May Be a People Pleaser?

Many people struggle with the desire to please others, acquiescing in hopes of avoiding discomfort or seeking approval. If you can relate to this dynamic, recognizing the signs that point toward a greater need for external acceptance may prove beneficial. Typically, people pleasers will experience feelings of obligated loyalty and passivity when conflicts arise; they may also display behaviors such as avoidance or a lack of assertiveness, which could potentially lead to long-lasting ramifications. Additionally, if you often find yourself changing your direction of thought in order to cater to those around you, adopting values or beliefs that do not necessarily align with your own – this could be a sign that you’re too focused on pleasing. Ultimately, recognizing any tendencies that are commonly associated with people pleasing is key in taking control back over your life and understanding how to navigate interpersonal struggles without opting for appeasement.

How Can You Address Being a People Pleaser?

When attempting to break the cycle of people pleasing, self-awareness is paramount. Taking the time to identify and reflect on instances wherein you have placed others’ needs above your own can help in recognizing the behavior. Additionally, building up an understanding of how your actions may be interpreted by those around you is essential. Furthermore, being able to recognize the boundaries of healthy compromise can assist in avoiding situations wherein you may be compromising your integrity or sense of autonomy. With practice, it is possible to learn how to assert yourself and stand up for your own feelings without fear of disapproval or exclusion.

What are Some Self-Care Practices to Avoid Becoming a People Pleaser?

Self-care can be an excellent tool to utilize when attempting to address people pleasing tendencies. Practices such as mindfulness, journaling, or talking with a therapist Burlington can help in understanding the root cause of your behavior and recognizing triggers that may lead to discomfort. Additionally, setting boundaries is essential for avoiding situations wherein you may find yourself compromising too much in order to please those around you. It is also important to remember that it is okay to take time for yourself, as this can help in avoiding feeling overwhelmed or making decisions based on appeasing others instead of your own needs. Taking the time to identify what works best and creating a plan of action that aligns with your goals and values can be helpful when attempting to break the cycle of people pleasing.

How to Develop Healthy Boundaries for Saying No?

When attempting to break the cycle of people pleasing, setting healthy boundaries is paramount. Saying “no” can be difficult, however it is essential in ensuring that your needs are also being taken into consideration. In order to create an environment wherein asserting yourself feels comfortable, developing a system of criteria for saying “yes” or “no” can be beneficial. Taking the time to assess your own values or priorities is essential in determining what it is that you are willing and not willing to do. When a situation arises, taking a moment to decide if the request aligns with your values and goals can help in making an informed decision based on your needs instead of appeasing others. Additionally, being aware of the body language that you are displaying and understanding how to adjust it accordingly can be beneficial when having conversations wherein you may need to use your voice assertively. Lastly, setting clear boundaries with those around you can also help in creating an environment wherein your needs are respected and taken into consideration. Doing so can help in avoiding situations wherein you may find yourself feeling obligated to please those around you at the expense of your own needs.


In conclusion, people pleasing can be a difficult habit to break. However, with self-awareness and the utilization of healthy self-care practices, it is possible to recognize the behavior and take steps towards addressing it in a constructive manner. Setting boundaries and understanding how to assert yourself without fear of disapproval or exclusion is essential in taking control back over your life and avoiding situations wherein your own needs may be compromised in order to please those around you. Through practice, it is possible to create an environment wherein your own needs are respected and taken into consideration.

If you are looking for a professional therapist to work with you to help you deal with your people pleasing tendencies, at Cedarway Therapy we can help! Contact us today to schedule a consultation. We would be more than happy to assist you! All the best!

Thank you for reading! Have a great day.